Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Three Things You Can Do With A Baked Potato -- All of Which Involve Snarfing. . .

This past weekend, I fell prey to a hankering for baked potatoes. I was in luck. I had previously ransomed several nice Idaho bakers from my local Wally-World with the intention of sealing their fate. . . . (Bwahahahahah!)

Defining Terms: Baked potatoes, baked in the oven, not the microwave. I massage their little skins with some EV olive oil prior to putting them on a cookie sheet and baking them at 350 degrees for an hour. This makes their skin very soft and delectable. Since I don't pierce the skins before baking, these well-oiled taters have a tendency to "sing" once they get warmed up. In fact, while I was baking the pair that prompted this blog, one of them dog-whistled a very high C# for several minutes. My youngest cat, Jaks, was extremely intrigued by the sound and inspected the oven door and surrounding area quite thoroughly and hopefully. Alas, he failed to locate anything that corresponded to what his genes had primed him to prey upon when he encountered high-pitched noises. He has revisited the oven and vicinity several times since then for another quick inspection, just in case. One never knows. . . .

Thing #1 Baked Tater with Fixin's
Involves Green Giant Frozen Vegetables. They are available in single serving containers and 2-1/2 minutes in the microwave will turn said frozen contents into succulently hot morsels of veggie goodness. The broccoli, in particular, but the broccoli/carrot combo also, are extremely relevant. Now, hold that thought.


Take a freshly baked potato, slice it open and morselize its innards with your weapon of choice: slice it to pieces with a knife or rake it thoroughly with a fork -- right down to the skin. Next one may apply margarine or drizzle with EV olive oil (I like the herbed kind made for dunking bread into). Here is where the GGF broccoli, or broccoli and carrot combo, come in . Add a container of either, freshly nuked, to the baked potato. Other condiments such as chopped black olives, a drizzle of Ranch salad dressing, a large blop of sour cream or plain yogurt may also be included. Top with grated cheese -- for my money, the Kraft Mexican 4 Cheeses blend (Cheddar, Colby, Monterey Jack and Mozzarella) is the garnish of choice, but if you go with the blop of sour cream, try chopped parsley, scallions and/or cilantro. Try them even if you don't go with the blop of sour cream. If you go for the cheese, give it a brief nuke in the microwave to melt the cheese. I like to prepare my "baked tater with fixin's" in a soup bowl and eat it with a spoon. Skin and all. Ladies and gentlemen, start your snarfers. . . . .

(Tangent: If broccoli is plural, what's the singular? Broccolus? What would a brocculus consist of? And would it be big enough to be worth fooling with?)

Thing #2: "Tater salid"
Most people boil their potatoes when they make potato salad. Unless you plan to use the "potato water" to make gravy or soup, this is a waste of good potato, as boiling them boils out the vitamins. It also makes them gummy -- which I suppose is OK if you like gummy potatoes. There is, after all, no accounting for taste. However, baking the potatoes makes them easier to peel, if peel you must, and makes them "lighter" (versus "heavier") in texture, as well as tastier.
Start with :
2-3 baked potatoes (I cut them up skins and all).
1 white onion (tennis ball size) diced.
3 Vlasic Kosher Dill spears, fillet off the seeds then diced (use spears NOT pickle relish).
1 small can of chopped black olives.

Dressing:
3/4 cup Hellmann's Mayonnaise (use mayonnaise, NOT that Godawful Miracle Whip crud!).
2 tsp Dijon mustard.
1 tsp chopped horseradish.
1 tsp wasabi.

Mix the dressing ingredients together thoroughly, then pour over the "dry" ingredients, stirring them until everything is nicely mixed and moistened. Serves 4-6.

Comments: Don't use pickle relish. Most pickle relish is (a) sweet, (b) chopped too finely. Those diced dill pickles make a nice crunch. Also use Kosher dills, not some other kind. It's not about being Kosher, it's about the Kosher recipe and how it affects the taste. That's also why not to use Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise. Miracle Whip is not mayonnaise. It's salad dressing. Miracle Whip is also cheaper than mayonnaise for a reason. You get what you pay for. Use mayonnaise, preferably Hellmann's. There used to be a French's Gourmayo "wasabi-horseradish" -- evidently word got out that I love it, so they have now apparently quit making it. Figures. You'll have to resort to the wasabi paste and chopped horseradish, both of which can be bought in small quantities, since it is universally recognized that a little of either goes a long way. Don't use regular old French's mustard instead of a Dijon mustard. Again it has to do with taste. Grey Poupon is what I use. I'm worth it.

Give your 'buds' a break: Followed the recipe faithfully, and snarf when ready.

Thing #3: "Smashed taters"
As stated earlier, unless you plan to use the potato water to make gravy or soup, bake the potatoes rather than boil them for your mashed potatoes. Raw potatoes are jam-packed with nutrients. A good many incredibly hardy Irish were raised on potatoes and buttermilk. Period. It is a nutritionally complete diet. If you oil the skins with EV olive oil before you bake them, you can "mash" them, skins and all, in a food processor, with a little chopped parsley and/or chopped cilantro and/or chopped green onions, and milk for liquid. Or try using chicken or beef broth for liquid. Or the vegans in the crowd can use soy or rice milk for the liquid. The mashed potatoes with the bad rep are boiled -- practically pure starch, with little food value except calories. Prepared this way, they will be light, fluffy and good for you.

Try putting some in a pastry sleeve and "piping" a top crust for a chicken or beef pot pie instead of using a pastry crust, or for garnishing a beef or chicken stew, or the ubiquitous green bean casserole, or using them as a garnish for hors d'oevres made from thinly sliced beef

Try them without the butter and/or gravy. You may decide you prefer them "straight" -- Snarf away.

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